Lifelines
by ForeignMusicLyrics
Summary: "Couldn't live without you, I guess." That summer, Tony barely held on. There were times when he almost fell, both literally and figuratively.


A/N: This story was originally written as a songfic to "Moments" by One Direction, but i removed the lyrics because it has been brought to my attention that including lyrics in fics is not allowed on this site. Please consider listening to the song as you read:) If you would like to read the unedited version, please PM me and we can work something out!

…

Arriving home, he hung up his keys and stared blankly around the apartment that he dared to call home. It used to be welcoming, holding its arms out to him to wrap him in its warm embrace, promising pizza, beer, and a movie.

And, sometimes, his partner.

Now, after being gone for a week, it seemed cold. Empty. Lonely. Just like him. He didn't bother with the light; it would not warm the place up. It all seemed foreign to him now.

She was gone.

_It was his fault, really, that she stayed. Maybe if he had handled things differently, she wouldn't be half a world away from him at that moment. What he wouldn't give to have her be there with him so he could apologize._

But the truth of the matter was, even if she _was_ there, he highly doubted she would listen.

They all saw it, he knew… The pain he was in. They were all experiencing it as well but none of them could imagine what it was like to know that her being gone was their own fault. They didn't know what it was like…

The guilt.

A tear made its way down his cheek; the single tear that he knew would be the first of very many. Alone, in the darkness of his cold, unfriendly apartment, he didn't have to keep up the façade.

He still held onto that vain sliver of hope that she would return. Maybe she would see the metaphorical light and realize that he_ never meant to hurt her, dammit._ Maybe she would realize that that father of hers… was not a good guy. Maybe, maybe…

Dammit, he hated that word. Life was just a whole bunch of maybes.

Maybe if she came back, things could go back to the way they were. Improbable, but that was what he clung to when he had nothing else. He just pictured her smiling, laughing… Not with a gun to his chest.

And, no matter how much he hoped, he knew he couldn't go back on what had happened.

If she did, by some miracle, come back, he would fight for her. He would be everything she needed him to be, and then some. It was what he lived for now. He had to hold onto that hope that he would see her again and get that chance to redeem himself. He wanted to show her how much he cared.

Just one more chance… God, _give him a second chance!_

But alas, maybe he didn't deserve a second chance. This became very clear to him when, only a month later… The next blow struck, this time, knocking him off his feet.

Dead.

That hope that he had used as his lifeline for so long was gone. Snapped, shattered, ruined, obliterated…

Gone. Like her.

At least before, he had something to live for. He might have been able to see her again; might have been able to make up for all of the things he's done wrong by her. But now she was just gone, so so was he.

...

The wind was warm against his skin, his hair blowing in his face. He heard the beginnings of a thunderstorm to the west, car horns below, and, through it all, crickets chirping.

This was his decision.

_Did he want to do this? Hell no. But, really, he owed her this much. He didn't think he could live with the guilt._

She was gone.

He would do things so much differently, if he could go back. Everything in the past year, he would have altered, so as to keep her _safe._ It was no longer about her being here with him. It was one thing to think that she was on the other side of the world cursing his name as she let her father use her like a marionette. It was, however, another matter entirely to _know_ that she wasn't alive, she wasn't safe, and she wasn't at least somewhat content.

He wanted to kill the bastard who had taken her life. There was no _closure_ here.

**Closure.** That was it. That was the key. His mission here was not done yet– there was still one more thing left to do. Avenge her, die doing it if he must. He stepped back from the ledge, a new fire in his mind keeping him moving.

He knew that once that thirst for revenge was gone, he would be left staring into the same bottomless pit he had been a few seconds ago, but he frankly couldn't care less.

If he was going to die, he was going to make it worth his while.

The desert sun was hot against his face as he drove with McGee (whom Tony was certain had volunteered for this mission purely for the sake of keeping Tony from doing anything… particularly foolish) through the dirt road leading to their final destination. When the car jerked to a stop in the camp, he felt a rush of adrenaline surge through him. This was it. This was the thing that he lived for now.

When men with guns jumped out and ambushed them, Tony swore he saw his life flash before his eyes. They were going to kill him, right now, and he would never get the chance to avenge her death.

He didn't want to die yet. It was too soon…

A large, heavy object collided with his skull, and the whole world immediately became black. He couldn't hold on for very long, and it was only a matter of seconds before he felt his grip on life slipping.

...

There was a man in front of him, hitting him, asking him questions. Tony was not dead. There was a needle, a fist, a burning in his veins.

The man walked out, and there was yelling. The door opened, a figure was pushed into the chair, a hood was removed…

And there she sat.

"Couldn't live without you, I guess."

A/N: Please review!


End file.
